I Will Carry You

I just finished the book "I Will Carry You" by Angie Smith. I absolutely loved this book. It was a very beautiful book that was so hard to read. It was hard because the book is their story of faith during tragic loss. Angie's husband is Todd Smith who is in the Christian band Selah. While she was pregnant with their fourth daughter they were told that she had so many problems that she would not survive birth. They chose to praise God regardless of the outcome. Here is a passage that really hit me as I read it. I can only pray that if God ever calls me to endure something this hard, that I will have the faith to say this. They went in for their ultrasound with such hope and joy and the doctor told them that her heart didn't have any chambers, her stomach was to large there would be no room for her lungs, her kidneys had cysts on them, and there was no amniotic fluid. The doctor asks Angie,

"What are you thinking, sweetheart?'

I said the first thing that came to my mind, and I said it with much more conviction than I was feeling.

"I think my Jesus is the same as He was before I walked through that door."

I have only read one other book about miscarriage and what the grieving process is like for mothers whose joy turned to sorrow. But what I like about this book is that the focus is not on the joy turning to sorrow but the joy in the sorrow. Their baby did not live but two hours after they delivered her, but they chose to praise God whatever the outcome. I cried and cried while I read this book, but it also helped me to process some of the emotions and fears I had held on to after my miscarriage and Alex's illness. It was a sweet reminder that in the midst of our sorrow our Savior is there holding us and listening to us and loving us, and in Him we find the Joy.

I first heard about this book, because Beth Moore read from it in our James study. Then Mary Beth Stevenson read a passage from it to our ladies Bible study, and I knew I had to read it. I will pass it on to anyone who wants to read it. Anyone need a good cry?